Communicating as a Couple
Jill Ciccarelli Rapps | èBella Magazine | May 2017
Communication can make or break any relationship, especially the special bond you share with your significant other. In particular, failing to communicate about your money can place undue strain on your marital relationship. Without proper communication, you will find it nearly impossible to appreciate your spouse’s aspirations and philosophy regarding money.
Whether you’ve recently gotten married or have been married for decades, you and your significant other will both benefit from regular discussions about finances. Open and honest communication will not only enable you to avoid common misunderstandings that lead to hurt, resentment or confusion; but will also promote your long-term financial success.
Facilitating the Discussion
As a result of practicing these healthy communication habits, you will likely reduce conflict in your marriage and develop a mutually satisfying agreement about your financial plan.
Start by discussing your overall perspectives on money. What is your underlying approach to managing your finances? Are you a spender, a saver, or an investor? What important lessons or beliefs about money have informed your opinions? You’ll want to be completely honest when discussing your perspective on money. Your personal attitudes and beliefs about spending and saving will shape your behavior; which, in turn, impacts the financial outcomes that you and your spouse will achieve.
Recognize your differences. Differences of opinion are a healthy and normal part of any relationship. In many cases, you will discover that your perspective on money does not align perfectly with your spouse’s viewpoint. Unfortunately, minor disagreements about money can bubble under the surface for years and could eventually lead to a heated argument.
To prevent this downward spiral of conflict, it may be a good idea to have a third party, such as a financial advisor or coach, to help you bridge the gap between your perspectives and goals. In doing so, you will likely find some common ground – or at the very least, reach a clearer understanding of your spouse’s financial perspective.
Identify common goals. Where do you want to be at the end of 2017? How about in five years or 25 years? Both of you should dedicate plenty of time to articulating and clarifying your goals. Then, pinpoint the similarities between your respective visions. By discussing your common ground, you will find it much easier to focus on creating a unified blueprint for your financial future.
Find a compromise. As you discover areas where you and your partner are at odds, you may need to seek a centrist solution. For example, if your partner is adamant about having cash on hand to spend freely, create a budget that allocates some extra spending money for them. On the flip side, if your partner is savings-oriented, consider how you could reduce your expenses or generate supplemental income to develop your retirement nest egg.
No matter the situation, there is usually a compromise that fulfills both of your needs and reflects the big picture of your financial plan.
Designate your “family CFO”. You may find it useful to view your personal finances in the same light as a business. Most companies have a CFO who closely monitors their cash flow, expenses and profitability. An effective CFO will analyze the data, make informed recommendations, and work with other executives to make decisions that bring about positive financial change.
In the same way, you could benefit from appointing a family CFO, who will play the lead role in managing your budget and portfolio. It is crucial that your CFO is capable of overseeing your financial plan in a way that is fiscally responsible, agreeable to both parties, and aligns with your underlying goals. While the balance of financial power in your relationship may not be equal, both of you should have some level of involvement in the decision-making process.
The Foundation for a Healthy Future
Conversations about money can be uncomfortable and contentious for some couples. That being said, a willingness to communicate openly about your finances will help you to achieve your goals and sustain a healthy spousal partnership. By celebrating your differences, collaborating on common goals, and developing a unified vision, you can revitalize your relationship and enhance your financial wellness.
If you would like to improve your communication with your significant other, a financial advisor can facilitate conversations about money and serve as an objective arbiter for recurring disputes you have encountered. A gentle push from an expert can be instrumental in finding consensus and opening new doors in your collective pursuit of financial success.
